Insomnia, Obsession, Inspiration and Ephemera

Mmmm well I drank far to much tea, far too late last night whilst watching the BBC's Dracula (very good, great costumes) but at least it made up for my miserable attempt at relaxing watching TV with Mark the night before, The Ruby in the Smoke, trying to crochet and as a consequence getting hopelessly lost with the plot and asking every five minutes 'what happened there?'

So ended up wide awake and up etsy surfing from 1.30 till 4.30 am. I shall regret that at some point today I fear.

So here is the 2nd of my 3 previous works I would like to add here before the end of this year and the beginnings of my new phase in creativity (I am ever hopeful!)

The Age of Man

Many things inspire me in my thoughts and creativity. In this case it is the relationship between man and the animal kingdom, our dependance on it, our abuse of it, the ways in which throughout history we have worshipped it and the questions I have about the future of this relationship.

The Age of Man is available for purchase in my etsy store.

I also had an evening of thought about my future goals and have come to the realisation (gradual) that I am an obsessive list maker and writer of things which I feel I must do. Not only that but I have a PDA which I rely on heavily to get me through the day, the life balance programme (excuse the unintentional product placement) is absolutely essential for me to not spend too much time doing dishes or gazing at the computer screen at nothing in particular.

I often wonder why I cannot be one or another, a techno addict or a pen and paper addict. Instead I need a PDA (life balance/list of things to do and calender I depend on), a small handbag sized notebook c0urtesy of the glorious and wonderfuly creative stiletto heights (love the mini colourful items of beauty), a large notebook (covered in hideous fake leapord print furry type stuff - but all I had to hand at a time of crisis and the perfect size for my copious notetaking) AND a filofax for daily tasks and diary events - Oh my gosh I do have a serious problem!

Mark believes I spend far too much time writing, dreaming and 'planning' and not nearly enough time 'doing'. Well he may have a point.

So my 'to do list' is up to date (no no, not in that I have done anything, just in that I have listed everything I need to do....) my diary is empty but correct at time of blog update, my month of January goals are set (more on these another day), now to work.

Oh and I have to mention that I received my beautiful parcel of inspiration in the form of oodles of vintage and antique ephemera from the wonderful shop that is otherpeoplesflowers. So expect new work coming from me soon!!

So after my hesitant first attempt at blogging I now move on, and with my first image too.

This small mixed media piece is called Dreams Like Trailing Ivy
and is for sale in my Etsy Shop. The description reads

A depiction of the dreams we often have of the past and of the future which can be emotionally stimulating, a necessary outpouring of emotions or thoughts from which we can never free ourselves. This could illustrate many times in my life.

Life has been a little up and down in my household recently. The stresses and strains of creating 'Gilfling's Designs' have been very apparent and as a consequence I have been feeling 'the fear'. This 'fear' - of failure, of not being able to contribute enough financially, of not being able to express myself had unfortunately taken hold a little bit, but I am tryng my best to get it under control.

Why do artists and creative people go through this?! Unfortunatley it always means life is a little hard for those close to us. I guess I am making a bit of a presumption that I am not the only one, It would be comforting to know that I am not.

I have been getting so bogged down in trying to wade through the stuff which I find really hard work, the paperwork, the constantly looking for new work, meetings, networking, (none of this very successfully it has to be said) that I had forgotten how much I love to have new ideas, to research, to design, to get excited about the kind of work that should and does normally come very naturally to me. As a consequence I have missed out on a couple of chances to have new work in new venues.

Typically now, I am full of ideas, I cannot wait to start working on them, I am really loving sketching, and getting all these images out on paper and eventually into 3d form. So the time comes to put the daily grind stuff aside (although it still has to be done unfortunately) and get back to the real reason why I went to art college, why I completed my degree, and the reason why I have decided to take the not so easy route of trying to be a designer.

I am off to Scotland next week and amongst the visiting of family members and helping house moves etc, I am really going to focus on drawing, dreaming, thinking and seeing so that come the new year the forms will take shape. And that....I find very exciting.

A Tortuous Entry Into The World Of The Blogger

So here we go - my first fearful beginnings into blogging- and yes - to me it is fearful... I am not and probably will never be html literate - in all honesty I am not even entirely sure what that is. However I see the blogs of those I respect and admire and think - 'I would like to have a wee go at that.....'

So here goes - the first of my mutterings and sometimes daily thoughts....

I have been thinking alot lately about my time management and the fact that I need to prioritise more and set aside occassions to make more of 'myself' and get back to the things that I love doing. My life recently has been about setting up Gilfling's Designs - my work, my supposed career in costume design but I am at a stage where I am really having to re-evaluate what that actually is.

I miss just creating, designing, expressing 'myself' and the things I love. So much of Gilfling's Designs has been about putting pressure on myself to see through my business plan, but I am now realizing that aspects of that have to be adaptable and change, if only to get back to the heart of what it is I want to achieve. With the support of those who have helped me on the business course and with the burden of receiving funding (and of course I am eternally grateful for that and do not mean to seem as if I am taking it for granted....) I feel that I have put pressure on myself to make a living out of what I do, to have a certain success by a certain time limit and I have (although not forgotten) put aside to an extent, the reasons why I wanted to follow the path of a creator and artist in the first place.

So November will be a month of rediscovering what it is that I want, what I see for myself in the future in as much as I can get back to doing what I love. So new beginnings, new designs, new work...to come..... An effort to seek pleasure and fulfilment in what it is I am doing, to find a certain amount of freedom in doing the work I love and care about.

That, is what I am excited about.

And that, is the challenge.